Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
