I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
