It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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