Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
