Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
