college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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