i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He shit in the fireplace
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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