Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
