thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
