Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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