why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How does it feel to date your dad?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
