sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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