you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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