Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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