Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
