dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
