Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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