before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
