Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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