did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
