Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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