Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We got so high we made milksteak
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
