I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
