I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
