How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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