remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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