i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Less talking, more tequila
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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