You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
