If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
