how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
