Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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