Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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