the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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