I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
