you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
