69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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