dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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