i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize