Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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