So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
