I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
