Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
