apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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