I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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