she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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