i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He shit in the fireplace
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
