I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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