You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
