**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
