Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
