slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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