the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
