the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I will be naked everywhere
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
