I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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