If i come over, it means nothing
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
