There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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