This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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