Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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