I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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