I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
