Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
