My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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