Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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