whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize