dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
