Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
