Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
