There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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