he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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