they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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