How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
