Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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