wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
there is puke in my bra ... again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
