Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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