I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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