Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
